I Can Gather All The News On The Weather Report

Gentle reader,  I’m not going to come at you with some half-assed excuses for not blogging in weeks. I have been busy, blah; I have a job that makes me work blah, blah whine whine. But you don’t want to hear this.  You come to this space because you are a culture vulture, and you need to be in the know.

While you were away, I was busy gathering news, bringing you the very serious reportage you’ve come to expect from these pages. And here is what you need to understand:

-The Old 97's will release a new album next week. The Telecaster is back, thank the lord, and so forth. More at a later date. Some previews here.

Blame It On Gravity

Old 97's

-The Hold Steady announced a new album, with one of the greatest press releases in the history of all histories of rock band press releases. It said: “"A great American philosopher named D. Boon once said 'our band could be your life.' I think that is true. But 'your life could be our band' is also a true statement. I know this because we have lived it. These are our lives. These are your lives. This is our fourth record. Stay Positive."

-The Silver Jews are putting out something that is sure to be better than Steve Malkmus’ recent album.

Now that I can dispense with the music portion of this so-called music blog, I will move to the travelogue. I’ve just come back from four days New York City’s West Village, bearing news of three things:

1. Every woman in New York City is wearing their jeans tucked into their boots. This is not a new trend, I know. But it’s striking just how ubiquitous it was. By the end of the weekend, I refused to be seen out in public without looking like I’d be prepared to ride a horse at any moment. That’s just how big it is. And just how much of a lemming I am.

2. Pinkberry. If you haven’t heard of this, it’s the frozen yogurt crack-a-licious treat that swept Los Angeles a few years back and made it to New York last year. The stores have this very hip/minimalist sensibility about them. It’s the sort of thing you can see going over big in Japan.

They only offer three flavors, and it tastes like frozen sour cream sold for more than $5 a pop. It might sound gross, but it’s weirdly addicting, and I can tell you the lines were out the door. When is the last time lines were out the door at a frozen yogurt place? Oh, p.s., the 1990s are back.

crackberry

The catch with Pinkberry is that it’s supposed to be relatively healthy for dessert, at something like 100 calories.  But the whole thing feels too good to be true, like at any moment it’s about to be upended and revealed for the sham it is. Kind of like the band Vampire Weekend. When I got back to DC, I did some due diligence and found this. Bastards!

3. Speaking of other things that were common in the 90s, but you don’t see so much of these days, the full bush is coming back. Mark my words. Go ahead. Carve it in stone, and come back to me in a year.  Judging from the sheer volume of pubic hair dye in day-glo shades available in almost every salon and drugstore in NYC, one is forced to come to this conclusion. I’m not kidding. It’s only a matter of time before it makes its way to DC, and eventually to the flyover states. Jodi, consider yourself warned. Just say no. This is one trend I’ll be bucking.

I could also tell you about my trip to the Guggenheim, where I checked out some interesting installation art. One of the pieces included a pack of stuffed wolves, suspended in air, heading toward a glass wall. Spoiler alert! The last wolf has a boner.

Or I could write about the term “ginger balls” that I plan to put in heavy rotation in the coming weeks.

But I won’t. I won’t because the editors at Audiogram aim for higher journalistic standards.